Between pain and silence: how not to break a person with words
More and more Ukrainians are returning from the war—veterans, displaced civilians, and those from front-line or formerly occupied areas. They need not only medical, but also psychological support. A careless word or intrusive question can reopen wounds. Frontliner offers guidance on how to speak with veterans and war-affected individuals with sensitivity and respect—and what mistakes to avoid, especially for media professionals.
War leaves invisible scars. Conversations with veterans or civilians who’ve experienced the front lines are like navigating a minefield—one wrong word can trigger deep emotional pain. Trust and a sense of safety are essential for any meaningful dialogue. But war teaches people to expect danger, not comfort, so trusting strangers or feeling safe again is incredibly difficult for those who’ve endured it. Returning to peaceful life isn’t a relaxing homecoming—it’s a stressful, disorienting process that often feels alien. That’s why speaking with war-affected people demands sensitivity, respect, and attentiveness.
How to avoid causing psychological harm
If someone has already survived the trauma of war, it’s crucial not to inflict more pain through careless interaction. Here are some key principles to follow:
- Ask for permission first. Before bringing up the war or personal experiences, check whether the person is willing to talk. Put yourself in their place: if the question feels uncomfortable to you, it might be painful for them. If a topic feels too raw, respect their choice to stay silent.
- Choose your words carefully. Avoid blunt or intrusive questions about trauma or loss. Instead of asking, “Did you get beaten?” or “How did you survive?” try something more open-ended and gentle, like: “What was the most difficult moment during that time?” “What comes to mind when you think back on that experience?” This kind of wording lets the person decide how much to share and where to draw the line.
- Shift the focus to the present—and to hope. If some time has passed since the traumatic events, try to talk about their lives now. Ask about their work, achievements, or anything that brings joy. Showing interest in their current lives reinforces that there is life after war.
- Offer real support—not empty clichés. Instead of well-meaning but vague phrases like “Everything will be fine” or “I know how you feel,” offer something practical and sincere: “Is there anything I can do for you?” “What do you need right now?” Listen closely. If the person talks a lot, don’t interrupt. If they retreat into silence, give them space—but let them know you’re still there.
Veterans and war survivors carry profound, complex experiences. Active, nonjudgmental listening is the foundation of any safe, respectful conversation.
Guidelines for journalists that are relevant for all
When covering stories about people with combat experience, journalists must exercise exceptional care. These principles aren’t just for the media—they’re valuable for anyone interacting with war survivors or veterans.
- First, do no harm. Adhere to journalistic ethics. Avoid sensationalizing suffering or using someone’s grief as emotional bait. Don’t publish photos of coffins or close-up shots of mourning relatives. When describing loss, follow the “do no harm” principle, as emphasized by Ukraine’s Institute of Mass Information. If you’re unsure whether something is appropriate to publish, ask yourself: How would I feel if this were me in the position of the deceased’ family?
- Respect personal boundaries. Avoid prying questions about personal life, politics, religion, or physical injuries. Experts recommend steering clear of sensitive topics and not comparing traumas across individuals. Over-interrogating can alienate the person you’re speaking to.
- Avoid stereotypes and hero narratives. Don’t portray veterans only as either heroes or victims. These oversimplified labels can isolate them from society. Instead, emphasize the person: a veteran is an individual with lived experience of war—someone who deserves respect, attention, and empathy.
- Inspire with hope. Language has the power to ease anxiety. Positive, constructive storytelling can help reduce the fear and uncertainty veterans feel about returning to civilian life. Highlight examples of healing, reintegration, and everyday life after war—stories that offer hope for the future.
- Learn from the experts. Rely on insights from professionals—and from veterans themselves. For example, the Ukrainian Veterans Foundation and the Ministry for Veterans Affairs have developed ethical guidelines like “How to Write About Veterans” to help journalists cover these topics with care and integrity.
Following these principles helps ensure that both veterans and civilians affected by war are seen not through the lens of trauma or pity, but as neighbors and fellow citizens—people who deserve dignity, support, and freedom from stereotypes.
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Created with the support of the Association of Independent Regional Publishers of Ukraine and Amediastiftelsen as part of the Regional Media Support Hub project. The authors’ views do not necessarily coincide with the official position of the partners.
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